As promised, I have started a new blog. Check out www.healingthelocustyears.blogspot.com
It is my prayer that we can share this new journey together, and give praise to God, who makes all things new!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Wrap Up
As promised, I decided to wait until today to sort of give and overview of the sixty day experiment...
When I decided to embark on this experiment, I had high hopes of emerging from this endeavor to find myself completely different. I had visions of being thin, preparing for a marathon and welcoming droves of people into my immaculate home to partake of a foreign dish I had whipped up in ten minutes with one hand behind my back. I also envisioned myself securing a high paying job, with one or two promotions for just being so good at what I do! Well, I sit here today, with my experiment complete, still struggling in so many areas. Even last night, as I had my quiet time with God, I was convicted to become more obedient and more willing to do whatever it takes to get closer to Him.
It's interesting, as I look back to the beginning of my sixty days, I see a huge focus on the "outward" acts of doing the right thing. Things like making lists, carving out a schedule, drinking enough water, going on a strict diet, etc. I had thought that doing the right thing was about fitting myself into a certain mold. As the experiment went on, I began looking inward and upward and I learned that, while my efforts to live by a set schedule and list of rules was a worthy endeavor, none of these outward things mattered in the long run if I was not being transformed on the inside. The key for me was realizing that in joining the two together, they would add up to the sum of who I knew God wanted me to be.
There was a week or two when this blog became a burden to me, and it shows by the fact that I skipped entries when I was just too overwhelmed. Normally, I would have just walked away from it all, but I knew I had to pick myself up and finish what I had started, even though you all knew I had not kept my promise to post on this blog every single day. It was a true eye-opener for me to comprehend that I can't just give up, and there is great satisfaction in just finishing the race, even if we come in last!
In my first blog about my foster mother, the focus was on her thoughts, which were consistently about Jesus. I then created this blog and thought I would just sort of mention God somewhere around the edges. Well, HE had other plans! I learned there is no true success if I do not honor God, who makes all things possible -even giving me the ability to sit down to write each day. As I came to realize that, I received tremendous blessings as I turned my success or failures over to God. As I read and shared last week - God didn't rescue you, so you could keep your story to yourself!
So, you're probably asking yourself - did she really change? Is she now the screaming success she thought she would be? Well, yes and no. Through this process, I learned to forgive myself for not measuring up to my own perfectionistic standards. I realized about half-way into this experiment that to compare myself to a perfect model, I would become so discouraged,I would live my life in failure. There has only ever been one perfect human througout history, and that is Jesus. If I could have been perfect, there would have been no need for Jesus to suffer and die. He already knew I could never be perfect. I think He was just waiting for me to figure that out!
So, if I wasn't a total success - what did change? I would have to say the answer lies in the condition of my heart. Yes, I did lose ten pounds (and gained back three). Yes, I do have a better budget and a more organized approach to my household, so there are some tangible changes others can see. I never did sleep on my back to improve my posture, like I was told by my doctor. I think I tried once, but after about sixty seconds, I rolled over!
What changed the most was my new understanding of what really matters - things like taking that time each day to sit and read with my daughter, and then spending time with God right before turning out my light at night. Reaching out to others and carving out a time to sit and share life's ups and down's each week with a friend. Learning that each of us has our own journey to walk, and that I'm here on this earth for a reason - to speak up in love, to point others to the cross, and to listen and bear other's burdens with a non-judgemental attitude. I even saw a tentative relationship built with someone I would have never guessed I would have positive interactions with. I learned that being offended by life's little problems is really a form of pride.
What's the most important thing I learned? That sixty days is not long enough to seek positive changes in my life! Yes, my online experiment is over, but doing the right thing is no longer an experiment for me. It's the goal I embrace for each day, each decision, each opportunity God brings my way. I also learned that I will never always do the right thing, and when I fall short, I need to humbly take it to God, who makes all things new. When I am down, the best thing I can do is get back up! People are watching - they need to know that we all fall, and when we fall, we can still reach up for that Hand which is waiting to set us back on our feet.
Life is for living, and the right thing is for "doing". As I consciously thought about doing the right thing, I was that much more aware of how often I come up short. Instead of walking around in shame, I decided to share the ups and downs with others. It is my hope that someone, somewhere has been able to relate and find encouragement through this blog.
I promised you that I would have a new link here on the page for my newest blog. Truth be told, I had a sick child all weekend, and have not started it! I am really going to pray about what God would want me to write about, and when it becomes clear, I will post the links in the profile you see near the top of the page.
Until Then~~~Elizabeth
When I decided to embark on this experiment, I had high hopes of emerging from this endeavor to find myself completely different. I had visions of being thin, preparing for a marathon and welcoming droves of people into my immaculate home to partake of a foreign dish I had whipped up in ten minutes with one hand behind my back. I also envisioned myself securing a high paying job, with one or two promotions for just being so good at what I do! Well, I sit here today, with my experiment complete, still struggling in so many areas. Even last night, as I had my quiet time with God, I was convicted to become more obedient and more willing to do whatever it takes to get closer to Him.
It's interesting, as I look back to the beginning of my sixty days, I see a huge focus on the "outward" acts of doing the right thing. Things like making lists, carving out a schedule, drinking enough water, going on a strict diet, etc. I had thought that doing the right thing was about fitting myself into a certain mold. As the experiment went on, I began looking inward and upward and I learned that, while my efforts to live by a set schedule and list of rules was a worthy endeavor, none of these outward things mattered in the long run if I was not being transformed on the inside. The key for me was realizing that in joining the two together, they would add up to the sum of who I knew God wanted me to be.
There was a week or two when this blog became a burden to me, and it shows by the fact that I skipped entries when I was just too overwhelmed. Normally, I would have just walked away from it all, but I knew I had to pick myself up and finish what I had started, even though you all knew I had not kept my promise to post on this blog every single day. It was a true eye-opener for me to comprehend that I can't just give up, and there is great satisfaction in just finishing the race, even if we come in last!
In my first blog about my foster mother, the focus was on her thoughts, which were consistently about Jesus. I then created this blog and thought I would just sort of mention God somewhere around the edges. Well, HE had other plans! I learned there is no true success if I do not honor God, who makes all things possible -even giving me the ability to sit down to write each day. As I came to realize that, I received tremendous blessings as I turned my success or failures over to God. As I read and shared last week - God didn't rescue you, so you could keep your story to yourself!
So, you're probably asking yourself - did she really change? Is she now the screaming success she thought she would be? Well, yes and no. Through this process, I learned to forgive myself for not measuring up to my own perfectionistic standards. I realized about half-way into this experiment that to compare myself to a perfect model, I would become so discouraged,I would live my life in failure. There has only ever been one perfect human througout history, and that is Jesus. If I could have been perfect, there would have been no need for Jesus to suffer and die. He already knew I could never be perfect. I think He was just waiting for me to figure that out!
So, if I wasn't a total success - what did change? I would have to say the answer lies in the condition of my heart. Yes, I did lose ten pounds (and gained back three). Yes, I do have a better budget and a more organized approach to my household, so there are some tangible changes others can see. I never did sleep on my back to improve my posture, like I was told by my doctor. I think I tried once, but after about sixty seconds, I rolled over!
What changed the most was my new understanding of what really matters - things like taking that time each day to sit and read with my daughter, and then spending time with God right before turning out my light at night. Reaching out to others and carving out a time to sit and share life's ups and down's each week with a friend. Learning that each of us has our own journey to walk, and that I'm here on this earth for a reason - to speak up in love, to point others to the cross, and to listen and bear other's burdens with a non-judgemental attitude. I even saw a tentative relationship built with someone I would have never guessed I would have positive interactions with. I learned that being offended by life's little problems is really a form of pride.
What's the most important thing I learned? That sixty days is not long enough to seek positive changes in my life! Yes, my online experiment is over, but doing the right thing is no longer an experiment for me. It's the goal I embrace for each day, each decision, each opportunity God brings my way. I also learned that I will never always do the right thing, and when I fall short, I need to humbly take it to God, who makes all things new. When I am down, the best thing I can do is get back up! People are watching - they need to know that we all fall, and when we fall, we can still reach up for that Hand which is waiting to set us back on our feet.
Life is for living, and the right thing is for "doing". As I consciously thought about doing the right thing, I was that much more aware of how often I come up short. Instead of walking around in shame, I decided to share the ups and downs with others. It is my hope that someone, somewhere has been able to relate and find encouragement through this blog.
I promised you that I would have a new link here on the page for my newest blog. Truth be told, I had a sick child all weekend, and have not started it! I am really going to pray about what God would want me to write about, and when it becomes clear, I will post the links in the profile you see near the top of the page.
Until Then~~~Elizabeth
Friday, May 14, 2010
Day 60
What I did:
Yes, yesterday was the last day of my experiment. I wish I could say my head hit the pillow knowing I was now perfect in every way. NOT. I went to work as usual, lending a listening ear to what was going on in my client's life, then decided the kids could use some home made beef stew for supper. It did seem to be what the doctor ordered, even with Shelli's friend coming over to bring some home to her house. As she walked out of the house, the friend said, "Thanks, Ma!". There is no greater feeling in the world to me than to have those little moments of happy expression shared in my life. Yes, the day that I have been counting down to seemed a little mundane after all the fanfare I thought it would bring, but the peaceful sense in my heart that 'all is well' was the real story yesterday.
I also took some real time yesterday to write my thoughts down to share at my foster sister's funeral tomorrow. I believe her life and her own words cut right to the chase on what really matters. I want to share more of that when I sum up this whole experience.
I didn't write any more on my book because it seemed like emotional overload yesterday, with my client expressing her own joys and concerns and also reading and writing about Annie's life as I continued to miss her. I did touch base with two of my other sisters on the phone, and it was so good to know that we all still share that common bond of love that was instilled in us as children.
What I learned:
Well, since I officially ended my experiment yesterday, I learned that I can celebrate the little things - the things that actually stuck along the way. Things like kindness and quiet time spent with my little girl at the end of each day. Praying to a God who is really there, and realizing that my devotional time is not just for my own benefit, but also brings my Savior joy when I purposefully go into His presence to praise Him. I learned that life is just better when I reach out, and I got to know some people a little better through this blog, even as I developed relationships with some of you that I had never really thought about or considered before. I learned that I could have done better. I also learned that nobody's perfect.
So that's my experiment. Not a huge Grand Finale, but just another day, in some sense. I will wrap it all up on Monday, but my family just came through the door, and I want to go give them each a hug :)
Until Monday~~~Elizabeth
Yes, yesterday was the last day of my experiment. I wish I could say my head hit the pillow knowing I was now perfect in every way. NOT. I went to work as usual, lending a listening ear to what was going on in my client's life, then decided the kids could use some home made beef stew for supper. It did seem to be what the doctor ordered, even with Shelli's friend coming over to bring some home to her house. As she walked out of the house, the friend said, "Thanks, Ma!". There is no greater feeling in the world to me than to have those little moments of happy expression shared in my life. Yes, the day that I have been counting down to seemed a little mundane after all the fanfare I thought it would bring, but the peaceful sense in my heart that 'all is well' was the real story yesterday.
I also took some real time yesterday to write my thoughts down to share at my foster sister's funeral tomorrow. I believe her life and her own words cut right to the chase on what really matters. I want to share more of that when I sum up this whole experience.
I didn't write any more on my book because it seemed like emotional overload yesterday, with my client expressing her own joys and concerns and also reading and writing about Annie's life as I continued to miss her. I did touch base with two of my other sisters on the phone, and it was so good to know that we all still share that common bond of love that was instilled in us as children.
What I learned:
Well, since I officially ended my experiment yesterday, I learned that I can celebrate the little things - the things that actually stuck along the way. Things like kindness and quiet time spent with my little girl at the end of each day. Praying to a God who is really there, and realizing that my devotional time is not just for my own benefit, but also brings my Savior joy when I purposefully go into His presence to praise Him. I learned that life is just better when I reach out, and I got to know some people a little better through this blog, even as I developed relationships with some of you that I had never really thought about or considered before. I learned that I could have done better. I also learned that nobody's perfect.
So that's my experiment. Not a huge Grand Finale, but just another day, in some sense. I will wrap it all up on Monday, but my family just came through the door, and I want to go give them each a hug :)
Until Monday~~~Elizabeth
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 59
What I did:
Yes, today is the last day of my experiment. Yesterday, I wrote more of my book and had thoughts on my next blog. I am still feeling a little down and out as I prepare for my foster sister's funeral. I'm so thankful that she's not in any pain, and that the cancer could only kill her body, not her spirit and soul! It's just that so many of us left will miss her terribly!
Losing Annie has spurred me on to try to help my other sisters reconnect. I had a good response to a group I started, by invitation only, for the sisters I could locate. I see our relationships getting stronger because of our common bond.
My sixteen year old was home sick yesterday. I was able to baby him a little - something I usually don't have much time for anymore. Thankfully, he's up and raring to go today.
I offered to take my grandson overnight last night so Shelli could get a little down time. He was so well behaved, but now he's tugging on my leg. Guess I should give the little guy some attention before I head off to work.
What I learned:
Another situation came up yesterday, and I really thought about what my response should be. The reason I write is to encourage each and every person I cross paths with. My past is not a great past, and a lot of that is because of my former decisions and responses to life in general. Because of God's command to love others, and because He has placed a desire in my heart to write and encourage people, I want to show others that it's never too late to do the right thing! In my own particular situation, loving and connecting with
Two more days to write! Tomorrow I will wrap up my experiment. The day after, I will share what I've learned as a whole, and provide a link to my newest blog.
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
Yes, today is the last day of my experiment. Yesterday, I wrote more of my book and had thoughts on my next blog. I am still feeling a little down and out as I prepare for my foster sister's funeral. I'm so thankful that she's not in any pain, and that the cancer could only kill her body, not her spirit and soul! It's just that so many of us left will miss her terribly!
Losing Annie has spurred me on to try to help my other sisters reconnect. I had a good response to a group I started, by invitation only, for the sisters I could locate. I see our relationships getting stronger because of our common bond.
My sixteen year old was home sick yesterday. I was able to baby him a little - something I usually don't have much time for anymore. Thankfully, he's up and raring to go today.
I offered to take my grandson overnight last night so Shelli could get a little down time. He was so well behaved, but now he's tugging on my leg. Guess I should give the little guy some attention before I head off to work.
What I learned:
Another situation came up yesterday, and I really thought about what my response should be. The reason I write is to encourage each and every person I cross paths with. My past is not a great past, and a lot of that is because of my former decisions and responses to life in general. Because of God's command to love others, and because He has placed a desire in my heart to write and encourage people, I want to show others that it's never too late to do the right thing! In my own particular situation, loving and connecting with
Two more days to write! Tomorrow I will wrap up my experiment. The day after, I will share what I've learned as a whole, and provide a link to my newest blog.
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 58
What I did:
I am realizing as I sit here and type that I only have one day left for my actual experiment. I have decided to post until Day 60, then write a synopsis of the experiment as a whole, so look for a post, post-experiment :)
I did get up and going yesterday like I said I would. I wrote some more and also received an email from my foster sister's husband. It was her lifelong testimony. I read it to prepare myself for speaking at her funeral on Saturday.
I also heard from another sister who lived at the Boylston Home when Annie and I were both there. She is hurting a lot. I took some time to sit down and really try to encourage her, even as we grieve. In retrospect, reaching out to others really is the most important part of my day.
My 16 year old contacted me yesterday to ask me to come get him after school. Usually, he stays late to help coach the younger kids in an after school program. He was hurting so badly, I brought him to the doctor. Sure enough, he has a muscle spasm she could clearly feel, so he's down and out for the count today. Whenever he complains about an ailment, I sit up and take notice because I never hear him complain.
Supper was an old standby - spaghetti, meatballs and garlic bread. Due to my tight budget, I make one big meal every other day and the kids either have leftovers or sandwiches on the alternate days. It has worked out pretty well, so far.
I was also feeling the pinch of not having enough work yesterday. Part of my resolve for today is to send out ten resume's. I have done quite a bit of volunteer and human services work through the years, but it doesn't necessarily fit on a resume' in which truck driving is my theme. To be honest, while I enjoy driving, my heart is really sensitive to helping to meet the needs of others. Wouldn't it be nice to actually earn enough to support my family by working full time in a position that serves others? It seems that most of the job opportunities out there which help and relate to people, are volunteer positions. I wonder why society sees more value in trucking goods than it does on helping a brother (or sister). Well, on the flip side, I guess more people would get into a human support role if the money was right, but I don't think money should be the motivator for blessing others.
What I learned:
I sat down outside yesterday to read my sister's story. I had already heard about Annie's life from her directly, but her husband wanted me to read it as I prepare to say a few words about Annie at her funeral. Annie's story is never easy to hear or read, even the second or third time. She was terribly mistreated as a child, then was brought to the home for girls we both had lived in as children, where she found love. What jumped right off the page at me is that Annie trusted God. No matter what.
As I drove to pick my kids up from school, I heard a woman on the local Christian radio station say something which hit me right between the eyes. She said, "God didn't bring you out of darkness so you could keep your story to yourself."
I already mentioned that I have always had a passion for writing, but I used to only focus on the bad things whenever I remembered my past and where I came from. Now I realize that my past is part of my story and it can be presented with the heartaches and trials if I remember and relay one thing: Even the pain of my own story is relevant as long as the glory of the victory belongs to God.
I wrote a poem once and I can't remember anything about it except that the message of the poem went something like this: The word and the life of a victim ends with "I'm"...I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm unforgivable. A victim ends with "I'm". A Victor ends with "OR"...or we can look back and see the mighty hand of our Father leading us every step of the way. I wish I could remember the whole poem - now I'm a victim to a very bad memory!
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
I am realizing as I sit here and type that I only have one day left for my actual experiment. I have decided to post until Day 60, then write a synopsis of the experiment as a whole, so look for a post, post-experiment :)
I did get up and going yesterday like I said I would. I wrote some more and also received an email from my foster sister's husband. It was her lifelong testimony. I read it to prepare myself for speaking at her funeral on Saturday.
I also heard from another sister who lived at the Boylston Home when Annie and I were both there. She is hurting a lot. I took some time to sit down and really try to encourage her, even as we grieve. In retrospect, reaching out to others really is the most important part of my day.
My 16 year old contacted me yesterday to ask me to come get him after school. Usually, he stays late to help coach the younger kids in an after school program. He was hurting so badly, I brought him to the doctor. Sure enough, he has a muscle spasm she could clearly feel, so he's down and out for the count today. Whenever he complains about an ailment, I sit up and take notice because I never hear him complain.
Supper was an old standby - spaghetti, meatballs and garlic bread. Due to my tight budget, I make one big meal every other day and the kids either have leftovers or sandwiches on the alternate days. It has worked out pretty well, so far.
I was also feeling the pinch of not having enough work yesterday. Part of my resolve for today is to send out ten resume's. I have done quite a bit of volunteer and human services work through the years, but it doesn't necessarily fit on a resume' in which truck driving is my theme. To be honest, while I enjoy driving, my heart is really sensitive to helping to meet the needs of others. Wouldn't it be nice to actually earn enough to support my family by working full time in a position that serves others? It seems that most of the job opportunities out there which help and relate to people, are volunteer positions. I wonder why society sees more value in trucking goods than it does on helping a brother (or sister). Well, on the flip side, I guess more people would get into a human support role if the money was right, but I don't think money should be the motivator for blessing others.
What I learned:
I sat down outside yesterday to read my sister's story. I had already heard about Annie's life from her directly, but her husband wanted me to read it as I prepare to say a few words about Annie at her funeral. Annie's story is never easy to hear or read, even the second or third time. She was terribly mistreated as a child, then was brought to the home for girls we both had lived in as children, where she found love. What jumped right off the page at me is that Annie trusted God. No matter what.
As I drove to pick my kids up from school, I heard a woman on the local Christian radio station say something which hit me right between the eyes. She said, "God didn't bring you out of darkness so you could keep your story to yourself."
I already mentioned that I have always had a passion for writing, but I used to only focus on the bad things whenever I remembered my past and where I came from. Now I realize that my past is part of my story and it can be presented with the heartaches and trials if I remember and relay one thing: Even the pain of my own story is relevant as long as the glory of the victory belongs to God.
I wrote a poem once and I can't remember anything about it except that the message of the poem went something like this: The word and the life of a victim ends with "I'm"...I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm unforgivable. A victim ends with "I'm". A Victor ends with "OR"...or we can look back and see the mighty hand of our Father leading us every step of the way. I wish I could remember the whole poem - now I'm a victim to a very bad memory!
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 57
What I did:
Yesterday brought difficult news. My foster sister, Annie, passed away at 1:30 in the morning. Annie had pancreatic cancer, discovered in December, 2008. Annie was a Christian, and had a certain peace throughout the process of discovery all the way through to her first moments in heaven. I had always looked up to her. She was one of the oldest girls at the home we grew up in, and I was the baby. There were quite a few years separating us. Annie made time for me, though. When she found out she was carrying her first child, she came into my bedroom and showed me a blanket she was making to tell me about her new baby. Each time she came home to visit, she got together with me alone. We talked about her life and she always told me she loved me. I remember a puzzle she showed me once. It was a picture of two little girls playing in the sand on the beach. Annie said the puzzle made her think of her own biological sister, Barb, who she had found as an adult. Annie relayed that when she saw the puzzle, it made her think of how she and her sister might have played together if they had known each other as kids. Annie, my other foster sisters and I understood the silent longing we'd all had growing up. The curiosity of what it might have been like if we were born to parents that loved each other and us.
I spent some time yesterday working outside, then came in and was in a pretty self-defeating slump for the rest of the day. I knew I should be accomplishing something - anything, but I just felt bad. My inactivity really cemented the defeated mood I allowed myself to sink into. The fog I was in yesterday has really drifted into today as I sit here and write. I decided to create a list of things I want to accomplish today, just so I can check them off, whether I "feel" good about today or not.
What I learned:
I learned that feelings can be deceptive and have a tremendously negative affect on life in general. Some of the things I learn from day to day are things I have already learned before. I wonder why I know these things, yet I fall victim to their power off and on throughout life.
When I feel discouraged on the inside, I tend to brood, which leads to feeling worse and worse. On the flip side, when I feel upset and I get out there and accomplish things, when all I want to do is hide my head in the sand to make life go away, the constructive activity chases away the discouragement.
I would write more, but I'm going to jump up now and get going!
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
Yesterday brought difficult news. My foster sister, Annie, passed away at 1:30 in the morning. Annie had pancreatic cancer, discovered in December, 2008. Annie was a Christian, and had a certain peace throughout the process of discovery all the way through to her first moments in heaven. I had always looked up to her. She was one of the oldest girls at the home we grew up in, and I was the baby. There were quite a few years separating us. Annie made time for me, though. When she found out she was carrying her first child, she came into my bedroom and showed me a blanket she was making to tell me about her new baby. Each time she came home to visit, she got together with me alone. We talked about her life and she always told me she loved me. I remember a puzzle she showed me once. It was a picture of two little girls playing in the sand on the beach. Annie said the puzzle made her think of her own biological sister, Barb, who she had found as an adult. Annie relayed that when she saw the puzzle, it made her think of how she and her sister might have played together if they had known each other as kids. Annie, my other foster sisters and I understood the silent longing we'd all had growing up. The curiosity of what it might have been like if we were born to parents that loved each other and us.
I spent some time yesterday working outside, then came in and was in a pretty self-defeating slump for the rest of the day. I knew I should be accomplishing something - anything, but I just felt bad. My inactivity really cemented the defeated mood I allowed myself to sink into. The fog I was in yesterday has really drifted into today as I sit here and write. I decided to create a list of things I want to accomplish today, just so I can check them off, whether I "feel" good about today or not.
What I learned:
I learned that feelings can be deceptive and have a tremendously negative affect on life in general. Some of the things I learn from day to day are things I have already learned before. I wonder why I know these things, yet I fall victim to their power off and on throughout life.
When I feel discouraged on the inside, I tend to brood, which leads to feeling worse and worse. On the flip side, when I feel upset and I get out there and accomplish things, when all I want to do is hide my head in the sand to make life go away, the constructive activity chases away the discouragement.
I would write more, but I'm going to jump up now and get going!
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
Monday, May 10, 2010
Days 55, 56
What I did:
As everyone knows, yesterday was Mother's Day. I got some nice, homemade things from the little one and Shelli took us out for Chinese food. We had a great time and after I got home, my 20 year old son, Danny, offered to come home to cook me dinner! I was pretty stuffed, so I told him I would pass, but loved the fact that he wanted to do something special.
My little one was especially cuddly yesterday and even wanted to schedule some time for us to sit together on the couch. In case you haven't deducted from my posts, she's an incredibly mature and eccentric five year old, with soulful deep brown eyes and an vocabulary I can only credit to growing up with "adult" brothers and sisters. She makes me laugh, but more importantly, she makes me think. I understand when she tells me we need to make an appointment to get together to cuddle, she's really letting me know that she wants that one on one attention. Because she seems to be always talking, I tend to tune out sometimes and listen on auto-pilot. I remembered yesterday that I need to listen with my my heart and I will hear what she's really telling me. Needless to say, she was on my lap yesterday afternoon and both of us were content.
I decided to eat as much of whatever I wanted yesterday, but didn't really feel liberated by my choices. I'm not sure I shouldn't take special days to have that freedom to wander away from my healthy eating choices. I'm just saying it didn't have the "feel good" effect I thought it would. All I could think about was having to punish myself the next day to make up for it. I don't think my actions are the issue - it's my train of thought.
All in all, an ok weekend, although I did wake up this morning wondering why the house always seems to get cluttered whenever Shelli and Landon sleep over. I'm not saying it's them, because it's not - it's just that I tend to ignore all the things I usually do, and then have to dig out from under them later.
What I learned:
I'm in the process of learning that I have to look at my problems with the intent of coming up with a solution. Prior to this blog, I looked at my problems and felt pretty helpless and frustrated. The problems seemed like they were in control of my life. Now when I see something that's just not right, I ask myself what I can do to change it. Sometimes there's nothing I can do, but I think most of the time there is. Even when I don't "feel" like I can be a part of the solution, I still need to think creatively and do what I can to fix it. It all goes back to the saying, "God grant me the ability to accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".
I remember hearing a speaker named Crawford Lorritz tell us four words he would say to his kids every day before they got out of the car to go to school. He said, "Do the hard thing". What good advice!
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
As everyone knows, yesterday was Mother's Day. I got some nice, homemade things from the little one and Shelli took us out for Chinese food. We had a great time and after I got home, my 20 year old son, Danny, offered to come home to cook me dinner! I was pretty stuffed, so I told him I would pass, but loved the fact that he wanted to do something special.
My little one was especially cuddly yesterday and even wanted to schedule some time for us to sit together on the couch. In case you haven't deducted from my posts, she's an incredibly mature and eccentric five year old, with soulful deep brown eyes and an vocabulary I can only credit to growing up with "adult" brothers and sisters. She makes me laugh, but more importantly, she makes me think. I understand when she tells me we need to make an appointment to get together to cuddle, she's really letting me know that she wants that one on one attention. Because she seems to be always talking, I tend to tune out sometimes and listen on auto-pilot. I remembered yesterday that I need to listen with my my heart and I will hear what she's really telling me. Needless to say, she was on my lap yesterday afternoon and both of us were content.
I decided to eat as much of whatever I wanted yesterday, but didn't really feel liberated by my choices. I'm not sure I shouldn't take special days to have that freedom to wander away from my healthy eating choices. I'm just saying it didn't have the "feel good" effect I thought it would. All I could think about was having to punish myself the next day to make up for it. I don't think my actions are the issue - it's my train of thought.
All in all, an ok weekend, although I did wake up this morning wondering why the house always seems to get cluttered whenever Shelli and Landon sleep over. I'm not saying it's them, because it's not - it's just that I tend to ignore all the things I usually do, and then have to dig out from under them later.
What I learned:
I'm in the process of learning that I have to look at my problems with the intent of coming up with a solution. Prior to this blog, I looked at my problems and felt pretty helpless and frustrated. The problems seemed like they were in control of my life. Now when I see something that's just not right, I ask myself what I can do to change it. Sometimes there's nothing I can do, but I think most of the time there is. Even when I don't "feel" like I can be a part of the solution, I still need to think creatively and do what I can to fix it. It all goes back to the saying, "God grant me the ability to accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".
I remember hearing a speaker named Crawford Lorritz tell us four words he would say to his kids every day before they got out of the car to go to school. He said, "Do the hard thing". What good advice!
Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth
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