Day 58

What I did:

I am realizing as I sit here and type that I only have one day left for my actual experiment. I have decided to post until Day 60, then write a synopsis of the experiment as a whole, so look for a post, post-experiment :)

I did get up and going yesterday like I said I would. I wrote some more and also received an email from my foster sister's husband. It was her lifelong testimony. I read it to prepare myself for speaking at her funeral on Saturday.

I also heard from another sister who lived at the Boylston Home when Annie and I were both there. She is hurting a lot. I took some time to sit down and really try to encourage her, even as we grieve. In retrospect, reaching out to others really is the most important part of my day.

My 16 year old contacted me yesterday to ask me to come get him after school. Usually, he stays late to help coach the younger kids in an after school program. He was hurting so badly, I brought him to the doctor. Sure enough, he has a muscle spasm she could clearly feel, so he's down and out for the count today. Whenever he complains about an ailment, I sit up and take notice because I never hear him complain.

Supper was an old standby - spaghetti, meatballs and garlic bread. Due to my tight budget, I make one big meal every other day and the kids either have leftovers or sandwiches on the alternate days. It has worked out pretty well, so far.

I was also feeling the pinch of not having enough work yesterday. Part of my resolve for today is to send out ten resume's. I have done quite a bit of volunteer and human services work through the years, but it doesn't necessarily fit on a resume' in which truck driving is my theme. To be honest, while I enjoy driving, my heart is really sensitive to helping to meet the needs of others. Wouldn't it be nice to actually earn enough to support my family by working full time in a position that serves others? It seems that most of the job opportunities out there which help and relate to people, are volunteer positions. I wonder why society sees more value in trucking goods than it does on helping a brother (or sister). Well, on the flip side, I guess more people would get into a human support role if the money was right, but I don't think money should be the motivator for blessing others.

What I learned:

I sat down outside yesterday to read my sister's story. I had already heard about Annie's life from her directly, but her husband wanted me to read it as I prepare to say a few words about Annie at her funeral. Annie's story is never easy to hear or read, even the second or third time. She was terribly mistreated as a child, then was brought to the home for girls we both had lived in as children, where she found love. What jumped right off the page at me is that Annie trusted God. No matter what.

As I drove to pick my kids up from school, I heard a woman on the local Christian radio station say something which hit me right between the eyes. She said, "God didn't bring you out of darkness so you could keep your story to yourself."

I already mentioned that I have always had a passion for writing, but I used to only focus on the bad things whenever I remembered my past and where I came from. Now I realize that my past is part of my story and it can be presented with the heartaches and trials if I remember and relay one thing: Even the pain of my own story is relevant as long as the glory of the victory belongs to God.

I wrote a poem once and I can't remember anything about it except that the message of the poem went something like this: The word and the life of a victim ends with "I'm"...I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm unforgivable. A victim ends with "I'm". A Victor ends with "OR"...or we can look back and see the mighty hand of our Father leading us every step of the way. I wish I could remember the whole poem - now I'm a victim to a very bad memory!

Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth