Day 24

What I did:

A lot of things happened yesterday, so it was kind of a yo-yo type of day, up and down, back and forth. I had a lot of phone calls to make, and each call sort of precipitated the need for another and another. I did get some housework done, but this blog wasn't created solely for housework purposes, so I won't get into that as much.

I made a call to someone regarding a personal matter I needed information about, and came to a crossroads regarding some things that I have had to address pretty frequently over the course of the last few years. I needed to come to a decision about this particularly unpleasant situation...was I going to continue on with the path I was on or not? The path I speak of has not been a decision of what's right and wrong. I believe it has been completely right for me to have been on this path all this time. Now, I think of the circumstances that have changed for me, and I am now able and willing to move on.

In coming to any decision now, I have to first ask myself whether I am listening to God, first and foremost. In this case, I believe that my health is an issue where before it wasn't, the reasons I have had for my choices in the last few years may no longer exist, and I am tired, just plain tired. I realized that I want to trust God more, and do less in my own strength.

I also got an email regarding the first blog I wrote, which was for my foster-mom and a story I had written about it and submitted to a magazine. They are interested! I had been praying about writing, as well, and wondered whether the things I wanted so much to write and share were really worth anything to anyone but me.

I also had a doctor appointment yesterday, which confirmed to me that the problems I have been having with pain and mobility are very likely Multiple Sclerosis. I have one more appointment to come, and another brain scan, but I really wasn't surprised when my doctor told me he was convinced that was the source of my symptoms.

What I learned:

Sometimes doing the right thing is not always as cut and dry as seeing a sink full of dishes and knowing I need to wash them. I really struggled with my personal decision yesterday, but in the end, I felt the decision I had made was the right one based on many different circumstances. I also learned that the desire to do the right thing really can encompass my entire life, even the gray areas where personal opinion plays a big role. It's about seeing the big picture and doing what's right for my family, my health and others around me when there really is no "right or wrong".

I also learned that prayer is such an important part of life! I prayed about writing and two days later, I got an email. Prayers are not often "answered" in such a way but if we don't pray about things, we don't really give God much of a chance to answer, do we? I used to ask myself if I was really so far off base when I prayed for specific answers because it seemed like 95% of my prayers were never answered in the way I had prayed for. I remembered the Lord's Prayer "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven", and realized if I prayed for God's will to be done, my prayers would be answered according to HIS will. If I believe in a loving God, why wouldn't I want His will to be done, knowing that He has my best interest in mind one hundred percent of the time? That realization has brought so much peace to my heart.

I also learned that hearing difficult news, especially about my health, doesn't have to be the end of the world. Last year, I had radiation for my Graves Disease. I fell apart physically, and my emotions got all tied in with the physical. Is it hard to learn that I have greater limitations than I would if I didn't have MS? Sure it is. It's just not as devastating as it would have been to me a year ago. I have grown a lot, knowing that all I have to do is my best. Period.

Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth