Day 2

What I did:

Today was a pretty good day, altogether. I did just get home after a one hour trip to the store turned into about three hours with my daughter. I pretty much know that when Shelli and I get together to go shopping, it's going to take a while, and I was tempted to bypass my entry tonight. I didn't spend money I don't have, which was a good thing, and I scooted the little one to bed as soon as we got back. I do read to her every night, so I didn't want to miss that, even though it was a few hours past her bedtime. It's interesting that we can make the time for what we feel is important.

Today was a work day for me, so I knew this morning that I would need to get things done prior to heading out the door. Since I made supper last night, all I needed to do was heat it up tonight. While I was with my client, we went to the grocery store. I have made a deal with myself to try one new thing each time I go grocery shopping, so I bought an Ugli Fruit to try at home. My four year old and I had a great time eating the Ugli Fruit, with all of the puns that go along with it (groan!). I did indulge in a snack food tonight that I probably shouldn't have. In the past, I would have just kept on making bad choices, but when Shelli ran through McDonald's to get some nuggets for the kids, I passed on getting anything.

I know I have already said I would be exercising, doing something daily. I have a heart test tomorrow, and am waiting for the doctor's OK to begin my exercise routine (no, I haven't forgotten that!)

I also want to spend a little time being creative, and I have an idea brewing for a gift I can make for a loved one this Easter. I want to begin working on that tomorrow.

What I learned:

Well, I've been thinking a lot today about limitations. After battling Grave's Disease for a few years, and having radiation last summer to correct a very hyperactive thyroid, I have been dealing with lethargy, weight gain, medical complications, etc. These are all beyond my immediate control.

When I originally had my thyroid "nuked" last summer, I had a severe reaction, winding me up in the hospital three times with a resting heart rate of 200 beats per minute, convulsions and severe tunnel vision. I didn't know if what I was facing was a normal reaction to the radiation. It was not. My endocrinologist only had voicemail for after hour care, and I couldn't find any Grave's support groups for answers. After calling ask-a nurse without getting much in the way of help, in my desperation, I ended up calling a suicide hotline to see if they could point me in the right direction. I had to convince them that I was simply that desperate to find help - medical help. They gave me a phone number of a wonderful woman in Colorado who gives out her own phone number as a resource. Elaine and I talked for about an hour. My symptoms were not normal, and she was the one to tell me that. She had been there.

We do have limitations in life, and while we need to understand that, we also need to look at ourselves "on paper", and come up with a plan to live life to the fullest. Ignoring those limitations sets us up for failure. Using those limitations as an excuse sets us up for mediocrity. What I understood for the first time today is that life is for living - any way we can. An injury or disease may nearly level us emotionally and physically, but unless it takes our very life, then there's still a whole lot more living to do. Why waste that time giving up?

I'm still at a point where I don't trust my own body. It doesn't do what I want it to. Graves is an autoimmune disease in which a person's own immune system attacks it's own body. I already had asthma and allergies for years due to the same reason. After my radiation, I had trouble walking and the right side of my body was so weak I didn't dare to hold my grandson on that side for fear of dropping him. I still drop things, and there are days I can't walk very well. I received a brain scan due to these symptoms, and was told I either have blood clots in my brain or Multiple Sclerosis - another disease in which - you guessed it - the body attacks itself.

So what do we do when our own body acts out of character and creates limitations for us that maybe other people might not have? Can we still do the right thing? Of course we can. The right thing is doing what we can, when we can. I really had to differentiate that from doing what I feel like doing, when I feel like doing it. There's a huge difference. I believe God will bless me for asking myself throughout the day - is this the right thing? If it is, then I will do it to the best of my ability. I also know that my strength comes from Him. That makes all of this do-able!

Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth