Day 1

What I did:

Well, I gotta be honest. Today was a mixed bag, and I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. We woke up late today, thanks to the time change, and my belief that I could close my eyes for just five more minutes, and waking up 45 minutes later in disbelief! We still ran around like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off this morning, but in the end, everyone was on time. Instead of coming home to create a grocery list and finding coupons online, I got ready for my interview for a second job. The interview and assessments took an hour longer than expected. On the way home, I stopped for groceries, then had only a few minutes before the kids were out of school.

The upside to today is that, even though I indulged in a piece of my son's leftover birthday cake, I also got the ingredients to make a boiled dinner (corned beef and cabbage with carrots, turnips and potatoes). I still got my recommended servings of veggies today because my supper consisted of mostly vegetables. I also bought a few things at the grocery store that will help simplify my cleaning needs, and also make me more prepared to eat healthier tomorrow.

I also had to do my laundry tonight, which wasn't "the plan", but, hey, I got it done.

What I learned:

I learned to stick to my goal, even if unexpected things crop up, and even if I fall short of my minute by minute goals. In the past, I have just given up when I'm not perfect, crumbling under the guilt, shame and self-accusations that I will never change. Through the years, I have tried to change that way of thinking, and then reached the opposite end of the spectrum, forgiving myself for not even trying, and believing that self-acceptance was the only goal, which allowed no space for self-discipline. I think there is a balance somewhere between those two trains of thought.

So today, I tripped, fell, and got up, tripped, fell, and got up...etc. I am hoping that these moments throughout the day in which I falter will become less and less, as though I am a dancer learning the steps to a beautiful waltz. Right now, my movements are jerky, I'm not very sure of myself and what I'm doing doesn't even remotely resemble a waltz. As time goes on, I will become more sure footed, without having to tell myself which move is next. It will come naturally. The only thing that will sabotage my efforts is if I give up.

What impressed me today, and the lesson I don't want to forget is that I don't have to wait until morning, or next Monday, or next month to try again if I fail. I only have to wait until the next opportunity to say, "I'm going to do the right thing". Even if that opportunity comes at six-thirty at night, after a long, trying day.

Until Tomorrow~~~Elizabeth